The world is full of people celebrating…. birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Anniversaries, the list goes on and on. Despite having the best of intentions, some cakes just never come out quite as they should. Instead of being burnt however, these cakes border on the phallic. Most children would never see it, but all those adult friends will blatantly see that there’s a penis in that cake.

There are two ways to take this if a cake you make comes out not quite as planned. It can either become an embarrassing disaster, or provide hours of amusement as relatives gather around, none sure if they should ask the question they are each thinking.

 

#1- Personally, I think this is a magnificent cake. It is funny and feeds quite a few people, but something tells me that if the Native American’s had greeted the pilgrims with a cake that looks this much like a cock, that the tradition of Thanksgiving would have ended right there. Surely cutting through the “balls” would make even the toughest man flinch.

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buzzfeed.com/ariellecalderon/disturbing-cakes-that-should-burn-in-hell#2kk9f96

 

#2- This crocodile (or is it an alligator) probably made some kid’s birthday a memorable one. But, as all the mothers gathered around, sneaking another peak, unable to believe that a penis was lurking beneath an innocent child’s cake, they must have been thinking “I’m glad my husband’s penis doesn’t have teeth.” Meanwhile, the men gathered around are thinking “When do we get to eat?”

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http://www.lifeandstylemag.com/posts/check-out-8-confections-to-make-with-a-penis-cake-pan-42596/photos/alligator-cake-53942

 

#3- Just what every man secretly wants… penises that could take out the world. This well meaning cake, comes with a dozen rounds that can not only slay an enemy, but also give out a pounding. Luckily, every guy will be too preoccupied with playing their new game to even notice the ammunition looks like the weapon they keep in their pants.

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http://www.pinterest.com/shaparin/men-cakes/

 

#4- These were actually a treat taken to a classroom celebration. Truth be told, to an innocent mind, they are merely rolled, chocolate dipped sweets designed to suit those quick fix cravings. To those of us with a mildly (or severely) perverse sense of humor, they are chocolate tipped cocks that satisfy a craving no man can. On a sad note, this woman is no longer allowed to send treats to class.

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http://www.iambarkingmad.com/2013/03/these-werent-supposed-to-end-up-looking-like-chocolate-dipped-candy-coated-penises/

 

#5- There should never be anything erotic about a playful smiling pig, but the elongated “nose” on this one is sure to make anyone question… What was this parent thinking? It is hard to decide which is more inappropriate; the penis like nose, the fact that it is smiling about being well hung, or that the cake is for a three year old. Perhaps if Ms. Piggy had met this cake, she wouldn’t have been so hung-up on Kermit.

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http://charlotteroseblog.wordpress.com/2012/11/10/happy-bloody-birthday/

 

#6 I’m no expert on biology, but shouldn’t turtle have legs and not just shoulder nubs? Perhaps, if they did much of there resemblance to a diseased dong would be lost. The heart and smiles on their faces don’t scream of the erotic, but the elongated shaft of their necks still do. Intentional or not, these will make anyone do a double take.

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http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2013/7/26/the-danger-is-my-penis.html

 

#7- HO! HO! HOld on, what is that? Good old Kris Kringle might have an aversion to slipping any toys into this two-toned tally whacker. The fact that these are cupcakes means that someone PURPOSELY laid these cupcakes out this way. Perhaps they were of an innocent mind and did not notice the shape, or maybe it was a purposeful plot to make Christmas a bit more kinky. One thing is for certain, a nice hard cock is better than a dirty old stocking.

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http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2013/7/26/the-danger-is-my-penis.html

 

#8- It may seem that Tom the Turkey is getting picked on a bit but really, creating a turkey that doesn’t look like a penis is tricky. Even the wattle (that is the thing that hangs from a turkey’s neck) serves its place, quite strategically resembling that thick vein which runs down the front of a cock. This turkey seems to have a smirk on his face, like he knows who he is, what he looks like, and he’s okay with it.

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http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2013/7/26/the-danger-is-my-penis.html

 

#9- Congrats on winning state! Here is two simple dicks to express my pride! It is weird that now, every time I look at a basketball court, I will see two schlongs on either end. Perhaps this should be the NBA’s newest marketing plot, what better way to get more women to watch? A more detailed cake may have kept these willy’s from getting noticed at all.

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http://www.fark.com/comments/3668467/The-coolest-R2-D2-cake-youll-see-today-Although-you-shouldnt-eat-it-red-one-has-a-bad-motivator

 

#10- A castle built for a princess. Complete with towers about to topple and plenty of erections to be had by the whole kingdom. The “vines” are a nice touch, but they could have just cut to the chase on called them veins. Nevertheless, the pearly sheen is remarkably like the cum sheen on a cock right after sex or after a nice masturbation. I would bet almost anything that the mother who made this luxurious penis cake is sexually frustrated.

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http://www.buzzfeed.com/robynwilder/horrifyingly-nsfw-hen-night-cakes#2kk9f96

 

#11- This one is a bonus, no, it’s not a cake, it’s a potato. More than that, it is proof that mother nature has a wicked sense of humor. These potato is so realistic, it had me checking to make sure it wasn’t a real dick… ah the miracles of nature.

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http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1xkskh/this_is_the_most_penislike_sweet_potato_youll_see/

These are just some of the hundreds, maybe thousands of cakes made over the years which have come out looking like penises. Instead of shying away from these mistakes, they should be embraced and met with a sly smile, a slight giggle, and most importantly… a fork.